I have realized in my own life experience that as I grow older, I tend to be less and less spontaneous.  However, becoming a mother, almost ten years ago, reminded me that although planning, routines and structure are essential for the foundation of child-rearing, there have been countless times where uncertainty has forced my husband and myself to just "wing it."
Even when my children were very young, letting things happen, rather than following an outine of sorts, was a challenge for me.  Before I was a mother, I was an elementary school  teacher and so lesson plans and order were a necessity just to get through the day with thirty students and achieve the goals I set out to accomplish.  Yet, some of my best lessons were "spontaneous" and my students always enjoyed the sense of surprise and wonder that stood out from the daily grind they became accustomed to on most days.  My energy and enthusiasm was contagious!  The children typically responded with excitement and curiosity, displaying a real thirst for learning and a genuine sense of motivation to participate. 
Having this experience, I knew as a mother the same would be true for my own children.  My husband is a middle-school teacher and has had a similar experience in his fifteen years in the classroom.  Kids at any age appreciate when you change the mood, shift the energy and try someting new.  I think it's mainly because we are all learning and experiencing something together, sometimes for the very first time rather than the adults, as usual, being in total control of the agenda as well as the potential outcome.  Spontaneity can create mystery and fun, as well as reinforce the importance of flexibility in our lives and certainly in our parenting. 
Recently, in celebration of the Fourth of July, there were quite a few local displays of fireworks.  After having a nice barbeque with our extended family, it was about 9pm and we decided to take our kids out to a nearby field where they could view fireworks from about six or seven different locations - clearly - without even getting in the car!  What a beautiful show - they loved it! 
We hadn't really planned this so after swimming and showering before dinner, my son and daughter had already put on their pajamas, but it was dark out and they didn't seem to mind.  They were preoccupied with the idea of going out at night, something we don't ordinarily do at that hour
and it turned out some neighborhood friends had the same idea.  I was glad we were a part of it all. 
The following weekend, there was another scheduled display of fireworks that we offered to take the kids to see, but they were a bit tired after playing all day and swimming in the pool, so they decided to stay home and watch a movie instead.  Coincidentally, the movie ended at 9pm, the start time for the nearby display and my son jumped up and motivated us all to again, in pajamas, jump in the car and travel only five minutes down the road to see another beautiful fireworks extravaganza!  We all enjoyed the adventure and the priceless memories we have now created will continue to bring smiles to our faces and a reason to be spontaneous in the future!

                                 "It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life that
                             no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."    
                                                            - Raph Waldo Emerson

I started my day today cooking breakfast for my children while my husband was surfing the waves in Long Beach.  Another peaceful and relaxing, sunny summer day.  I have been collecting books from a terrific company called Simple Truths in which inspiring stories and quotes are compiled by ordinary people as well as extraordinary people on a variety of topics.  I have been reading the individual stories to my children spiratically, and they always seem to prompt a nice discussion.  My son is nine and 1/2 years old and my daughter is seven years old, both of whom always enjoy listening to me read and other times prefer to read to themselves.  Either way, it's a great way for us to connect and talk about our lives and other people's lives as well.  It's a great example for my kids to see how we are all intertwined in this life through shared experiences, feelings and virtues.

This morning, I read a few stories about "random acts of kindness," one about a woman writing a note to show comfort and empathy to a mother dealing with her ten-year old son in an awkward and public situation.  The words on that paper would continue to encourage and support her again and again.  Another story was about a restaurant owner who chose to serve two hungry young boys and their adult chaperone, a complete meal for only $3, asking for nothing in return. 

The conclusion to this particular book included a quote from the Dalai Lama.  He said:

"My religion is kindness.  I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion.  The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being.  Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease.  It helps to remove whatever fears or insecurities we might have.  It also gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter.  It is the principal source of success in life."

When we finished reading together, I decided to implement some of the lessons we learned throughout the book to create a reflective family discussion - daily- about the ways we can demonstrate these positive and meaningful expressions of  kindness, honesty, forgiveness, patience and compassion.   In just the few short hours that my children were awake, they were even able to find  examples of how they had shown patience and compassion for each other and their pet fish in small ways.  My husband shared how surfers were showing patience in the water, earlier this morning, when they would take turns riding a wave rather than "dropping in" on another surfer.  I felt good about showing my family kindness by providing them with a healthy breakfast to start their day.  We plan to "check in" again at dinner tonight and share more examples of spreading joy! 

                                                      "Be the change you wish to see in the world."   
                                                                                           - Ganhdi

-  because children do not come with a manual.
-  because there are no mandatory classes to take when you have a baby.
-  because the only example we had was our own parents (that may not be the "best" example).
-  because most people don't understand a child's emotional needs, development and behavior.
-  because parents can do damage to their children, unknowingly, without intent to do so.
-  because your partner had a different upbringing and therefore, unique ideas about child-rearing.
-  because children deserve a safe and happy childhood with healthy relationships and experiences. 
-  because having a child changes your life forever and creating balance is essential for everyone.
-  because parental roles and responsibilites need to be clearly defined and implemented.
-  because breaking the patterns from the past takes awareness, courage and support.
-  because handling life's challenges and uncertainties takes preparation and practice.
-  because issues related to school, teams, peers, socialization, technology and so on are complex.
-  because you are not alone with your concerns, fears, questions and need for guidance.
-  because together, parents offer each other like-minded discussions, support and advice.
-  because private parent coaching can offer professional help and tools to cope and feel confident.
-  because it's your job to provide a family life and home for your child that is safe and loving.
-  because you deserve to live your best life and be happy.
-  because we all want to truly enjoy parenting and time spent with our children.
-  because our children need positive role models.
-  because you are the greatest influence in your child's life - they want to be just like you!
-  because it isn't easy being a parent and seeking help is rewarding and the benefits are priceless. 
-  because when we know better, we do better!

Welcome to my blog. Please check back soon for new entries.  I encourage you to leave a comment, share your own brief stories on parenting, as well as suggestions and feedback with me.

Please visit  www.parentfromtheheart.com  for more information on scheduled parenting workshops and private parent coaching sessions. 

Thank you, Erika Stroh, Founder, Educator, Parent Coach
Erika@parentfromtheheart.com